The Thanksgiving and Christmas season brings small talk with the aunts you hate, meeting the cousins you didn’t know existed, and interrogations about your personal life. Many Americans can relate with a sense of stress over seeing certain relatives during the holidays. In fact, some psychologists even advocate avoiding holiday gatherings to free yourself from the emotional trauma of “toxic” family members.
There’s always that one relative that’s just unbearable, and the often hectic pace of the holiday season simply brings out the worst in the people we love. The truth is that many people have lost sight of what truly matters: we have lost the joy of family gatherings.
Family is a gift from God, and the holidays offer us the opportunity to deepen those relationships and share the selfless love that is foundational to the family rather than putting up boundaries and simply hoping to survive the season. Some family situations are more difficult than others, but we must keep our perspective on family aligned with that of Christ.
For one, the Bible commands us to “honor your father and mother” in order to “live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you” (Ex. 20:12). As college students, it is often difficult to go home without becoming frustrated by living under the roofs of our parents again. Being home for Thanksgiving or Christmas can strip away the sense of freedom and adulthood that we have during the school year, bringing tempers and tensions quickly to the surface. Nevertheless, God’s commandment to honor our parents does not have an age limit. It does not only apply until you leave for college or until the age of 21 or until you move out of the house. This is a lifelong duty, and we would do well to remember it as the semester closes.
In Acts 16, the apostle Paul’s jailer comes to believe in Christ and “he rejoiced along with his entire household that he had believed in God.” When is the last time we rejoiced with our entire household over the work God is doing in our lives? The holidays are supposed to be full of gratefulness and joy, but it is easy for busyness to take away from rejoicing with the people that really matter. Eat meals as a family, not just on Christmas day. Spend time enjoying each others’ company. Have intentional conversations about what the Lord has blessed you with this year.
Care for the family members that need it rather than eliminating “toxic” relationships. 1 Timothy says that “if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” It is not wrong to create boundaries in certain situations, but we are still called by God to serve our family. Strike up a conversation with the grouchy aunt who sits in the corner, not talking to anyone. Look out for the needs of your family, even the ones who will not reciprocate.
Proverbs 11:29 says, “Whoever troubles his own household will inherit the wind, and the fool will be servant to the wise of heart.” Christmas dinner is not the time for winning political debates against Uncle Bob. Political discussion is important, but it must be done in a loving and appropriate way.
Thanksgiving and Christmas are times for joy and fellowship, not family strife. In Proverbs, the Bible tells us that “Better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a fattened ox and hatred with it.” Most of us will not eat any ox this holiday season, but take this wisdom to heart: remember that celebrating is an opportunity to love your family well.
